Regarding Those Orgy Reviews…

secret sex party, shutterstock, business insider

Photo from Business Insider/Shutterstock

OK, I know I’m super late on this, as I haven’t had much time to write here lately, but I wanted to discuss those Hacienda party reviews that appeared in a few online publications in Feb. You know the one that first ran in Business Insider and then got picked up by Slate and a bunch of other places, quoting a certain “Mr. Sparks” and talking about a sex party we all know and love and have been going to for years. A few of my friends asked me for my thoughts, and a sort-of rebuttal to it, so I’m finally getting around to it.

My first thought was: “Secret??”” Bwahahahahaha!

The word was featured prominently on all headlines regarding the story and I thought it was funny because there parties are hardly secret. There are hundreds, if not thousands, of people that get invited or have been invited over the years. And even if you don’t get invited, if you’re on the various alternative scenes in New York, you’ve likely heard of it through word-of-mouth and Facebook posting to the tune of “OMG, the Hacienda party was SOOO amazing last night!!” (yes, yes, I’ve been one of those posters). But, ya know, if you consider that secret, that’s up to you.

My second thought was: Who is Mr. Sparks? Continue reading

Sex Party Drama

Nicole Kidman, Eyes Wide Shut, Tom Cruise, Sex Party, Stanley Kubrick

Nicole Kidman in Eyes Wide Shut

If you’ve been on the sex party scene for long enough, chances are you’ve gotten involved in some drama, or you’ve created some drama, or you’ve at least witnessed it. On a scene where sex, kink and polyamory are involved; emotions, jealousy, STD scares and relationship negotiations run high and the occasional sociopaths, narcissists and drug addicts are free to run amok, it’s bound to happen. The difference is that, if you stay on the scene and keep going to the same events, you’ll keep seeing the same people and will keep acting out the same dramas or getting involved in new ones. Sometimes you’ll find yourself mediating other people’s dramas. Other times, someone will have to mediate yours.

Everyone tries to get “the asshole,” banned from the party when pretty much everyone has been “that asshole” at one point or another. We’ve all hurt people, dumped people, slept with people we shouldn’t have slept with, abandoned people when they expected something more, been abandoned when we expected something more, etc. The thing about the scene, though, is that a lot of people will keep rolling in the same circles and dramas will keep rearing their ugly heads. And particularly on the sex party scene, not only will you keep seeing the objects of your unaffection, but you might be seeing each other having sex, as previously discussed in my EX Factor post.

But this post isn’t just about ex drama, it’s about all kinds of drama. And here I want to talk about…. what’s necessary and unnecessary when it comes to sex-party drama? And, then again, who’s to judge? (Certainly not I, I’m just putting these questions out there…). Continue reading

Sex Statistics!

sex-market-researchSo I hear some of you have been waiting with bated breath for the results of my Sex Survey. I finally put my number crunchin’ and data analysis pants on the other day, and am happy to deliver some sexy statistics to you.

As a reminder, the idea behind running the survey came from a conversation I had with P, when we both counted our number of sex partners, compared that to the number of people we’d slept with from within the sex party/poly/fetish scene and realized it was a small percentage of the total. The conclusion? Sluts will be sluts whether they’re on such a scene or not. I then decided to poll some other folks on these scenes to see if the same was true for others. And, on average, it appears to be so! Continue reading

Kink, Pizza and Jazz

OK, so I’m kind of a hypocrite. I mean, I’ll talk about no longer going to sex parties and then I’ll go to sex parties. I’ll talk about not really being interested in kink, and then I get involved in BDSM entanglements. I’ll say one thing and do another. I’ll do one thing and then say something completely different. But, who hasn’t contradicted themselves at some point in their lives? The only thing I can say is that I won’t deny being a hypocrite and I’ll at least be honest (here and with people in person) about who I am and what I want at each point in life. Continue reading

The Sluts

Infinite Eye, naked girls, butts, cabin

They do exist! Or should I say: we do exist? I am one, too, of course. I just take occasional breaks and am less in the mood for casual sex these days. But when I was doing the poly thing, at a certain point I was seeing as many as four other people in addition to my girlfriend at a time. There was a week in which I had ridiculous amounts of sex with different people.

A friend of mine told me, at a vanilla, day-time party this week, that I was good at sucking cock. I asked him how he knew. Apparently, I had gone down on him once at a play party and forgot about it. Oops. But I will take the compliment! (And see also: my post on blowjobs).

There have been a lot of articles floating around lately about female sexuality, arguing that women like sex just as much as men do and should be free to pursue it, be promiscuous and so on. I was going to link some here, but I’m sure you’ve all seen the multiple feminist manifestos yourself. Continue reading

The EX Factor

So we don’t often talk about this because we take these (very strange) truths to be self evident, but running into your ex at a sex party is a common thing on the scenes I roll in. Which also means that you might see your ex having sex (or doing other sexual things) at a party, or they might see you. Which is, or could be, admittedly awkward. Or, depending on the people or situation in question, painful, even. As poly, schmoly, open or whatever you might be, it’s probably still strange to watch someone you were once deeply involved with have sex with someone else, especially if there are any latent feelings of hurt, anger or resentment lingering. Continue reading

Coffin Therapy

coffinI’d come over his place for coffin sessions once a month or so. We always planned it ahead of time. He knew what I was there for. As soon as I’d walk in the door, he’d pick me up, carry me to the basement and place me in the coffin, which was already open for me to lie down in. We didn’t speak. For all intents and purposes, I was already a corpse. He’d then close the lid and leave me there for a while. I never really knew how long “a while” was until I got out and asked him. Sometimes it’d be just half an hour. Other times it’d be two hours or more. All sense of time tends to lose meaning once you’re in that black hole.

When I’d make plans with him, it’d also be quick and easy. I’d e-mail or text him asking if I can come over on a specific day or time and he’d say yes or suggest another time and we’d both know it was for this. If I wanted to see him for anything else, I’d usually ask him out or to come over. Otherwise, he knew what was up. Continue reading

Some delicious inspiration

Oh, what a view! (photo by The Dirty Gentleman)

Oh, what a view! (photo by The Dirty Gentleman)

I’ve found myself to be hooked on the wonderful, eloquently filthy world of Quickies in New York lately. I’m such a sucker (no pun intended?) for some well-written erotica. And am surprised that I’ve only discovered it recently, seeing as it’s been rocking New York since 2009 and some of my friends are involved in the beautiful photography (by none other than the debonair Dirty Gentleman). But better late than never, as they say!

I’ve found many of Guy New York‘s posts to be quite enthralling and inspiring. If you aren’t reading him already, I suggest you do. It’s sure to get your heart (and other things) racing. You know, if you are into that sort of thing. Continue reading

This Dance, Again

naked womanAs soon as I walked into the apartment, I could tell there was someone else there. It wasn’t a smell or a sound or anything like that, I just knew. As I’ve come to know and expect most things from her.

I set my briefcase down in the kitchen, took off my coat, hung it on the back of a chair and poured myself a glass of water. But I could only stall for so long. Continue reading

So, blowjobs…

‘Nuff said, right? They’ve been on my mind lately, as I may have performed a few last weekend (all on the same person, y’know, I’m still quasi-nunning around), they came up (no pun intended?) a few times at a storytelling show and I recently stumbled upon a blog I quite liked on the subject.

At Jefferson’s Foreplay show last week (which happens on every other Monday at The Delancey, in case you want to check it out in the future), he regaled the audience, as he often does, with tales of recent and past blow jobs. He’s convinced, for one, that girls from New Jersey give the best blowjobs (anyone care to corroborate that? I’ve only heard him say so, and can’t judge for myself as I don’t have a dick). He’s also previously alluded to the fact that pretty girls are bad at it, while chubby/fat chicks are great at it. (Something I’ve heard from others before). And while I don’t intend to lay claim to being pretty or to being great at sucking dick, it still kind of sucks (ahem) to think that they’re necessarily mutually exclusive. Continue reading