Sex Party Drama

Nicole Kidman, Eyes Wide Shut, Tom Cruise, Sex Party, Stanley Kubrick

Nicole Kidman in Eyes Wide Shut

If you’ve been on the sex party scene for long enough, chances are you’ve gotten involved in some drama, or you’ve created some drama, or you’ve at least witnessed it. On a scene where sex, kink and polyamory are involved; emotions, jealousy, STD scares and relationship negotiations run high and the occasional sociopaths, narcissists and drug addicts are free to run amok, it’s bound to happen. The difference is that, if you stay on the scene and keep going to the same events, you’ll keep seeing the same people and will keep acting out the same dramas or getting involved in new ones. Sometimes you’ll find yourself mediating other people’s dramas. Other times, someone will have to mediate yours.

Everyone tries to get “the asshole,” banned from the party when pretty much everyone has been “that asshole” at one point or another. We’ve all hurt people, dumped people, slept with people we shouldn’t have slept with, abandoned people when they expected something more, been abandoned when we expected something more, etc. The thing about the scene, though, is that a lot of people will keep rolling in the same circles and dramas will keep rearing their ugly heads. And particularly on the sex party scene, not only will you keep seeing the objects of your unaffection, but you might be seeing each other having sex, as previously discussed in my EX Factor post.

But this post isn’t just about ex drama, it’s about all kinds of drama. And here I want to talk about…. what’s necessary and unnecessary when it comes to sex-party drama? And, then again, who’s to judge? (Certainly not I, I’m just putting these questions out there…). Continue reading

The EX Factor

So we don’t often talk about this because we take these (very strange) truths to be self evident, but running into your ex at a sex party is a common thing on the scenes I roll in. Which also means that you might see your ex having sex (or doing other sexual things) at a party, or they might see you. Which is, or could be, admittedly awkward. Or, depending on the people or situation in question, painful, even. As poly, schmoly, open or whatever you might be, it’s probably still strange to watch someone you were once deeply involved with have sex with someone else, especially if there are any latent feelings of hurt, anger or resentment lingering. Continue reading

We Never Change, Do We?

Taken from an old letter from R. This was nine years ago and I find that the same dynamics still apply. Certain life events just bring them to the fore more so than before. But I still don’t have the answer, do you?

You know, consciously hurting other people is unfortunately an essential component of any decent human being’s behavior. This anomaly, of which I’ve been talking about for a long time, is obvious. The question is: Can you change it? There is no doubt that it should not be accepted as unavoidable reality. But what to do? The constant inner struggle with guilt drives you mad. You naturally seek happiness, but your behavior suggests otherwise. Nothing makes sense anymore. Life loses its meaning. Religion provides rules, but they are controversial, and the set of priorities is lacking.  You want to change yourself, but it results in vomit. You want to change others, but why would “happy” people want to change. Somehow you start being magnetically attracted to people similar to yourself. They turn out to be just similar, and not the same as you. More and more often you catch yourself thinking, that, perhaps, you are the only person “alive” in this world. You end up thinking that you are actually the only dead person walking the streets…