OK, I know I’m super late on this, as I haven’t had much time to write here lately, but I wanted to discuss those Hacienda party reviews that appeared in a few online publications in Feb. You know the one that first ran in Business Insider and then got picked up by Slate and a bunch of other places, quoting a certain “Mr. Sparks” and talking about a sex party we all know and love and have been going to for years. A few of my friends asked me for my thoughts, and a sort-of rebuttal to it, so I’m finally getting around to it.
My first thought was: “Secret??”” Bwahahahahaha!
The word was featured prominently on all headlines regarding the story and I thought it was funny because there parties are hardly secret. There are hundreds, if not thousands, of people that get invited or have been invited over the years. And even if you don’t get invited, if you’re on the various alternative scenes in New York, you’ve likely heard of it through word-of-mouth and Facebook posting to the tune of “OMG, the Hacienda party was SOOO amazing last night!!” (yes, yes, I’ve been one of those posters). But, ya know, if you consider that secret, that’s up to you.
If you’ve never been to a sex party before, you are probably imagining it to be either something decadent and well-staged like Eyes Wide Shut, or something lame and disgusting, full of old, aggressive, unattractive people and the guys wanking off in the corner by themselves.
The truth is that orgies are either somewhere in between or nothing like either of those. They are full of real people, which includes the young and the old, the hot and the not-so-hot and everyone in between (unless it’s a young-and-hot-people-only party, which do exist). And the other thing is: a lot of funny shit happens at orgies. Hey, if you can’t laugh at yourself, or laugh at all the intricate kinky play we try to engage in (and sometimes/often fail at), then you probably don’t have a good sense of humor and don’t belong at an orgy anyway.
The trouble with New Year’s is that we always expect some grandiose celebration; something epic to happen. Even as I write this word (epic), I’m cringing, because it’s become one of those overused meaningless words. In my world, every weekend is an “epic party” (Guys: would you please cease and desist with that word? Surely every weekend can’t actually be EPIC! Srsly).
That’s the thing, though, that just like every weekend isn’t epic, neither is New Year’s, usually. It’s just another night out, when the calendar year happens to be turning over and most people’s expectations for the night are way too high. And then they wind up disappointed that nothing “OMG-worthy” happened. I’ve personally stopped expecting amazing things from New Year’s. Usually, I’ll go out with friends and hope to have a fun time, but, you know, the way I would on any night out with friends. I don’t expect it to be the second coming of Christ or anything. Continue reading →
There seems to have been an uptick in engagements, marriages and babies in many of the alternative scenes lately. All of which can generally be grouped under the “traditional things” banner, when alternative people, by definition, tend to avoid the traditional things.
I was talking about this with a friend recently, and he (having been married and had children before) said, “you know, I think people are starting to realize that these are good things and you can have it both ways.” You can still be alternative, whatever that means for you, and enjoy some traditional things. You can be into kink/go to fetish parties, be polyamorous, go to Burning Man, dress up in crazy costumes, have dreadlocks and tattoos, go to sex parties AND still get married and have kids. (Well, OK, you might want to lay off the drugs for a while when it comes to kids, but you get my drift). There is no shame in wanting any or all of these things, nor should there be. Continue reading →
Trevor’s Hipster Journal (by none other than Trevor himself).
Although I might complain about how my experiment with polyamory blew up in my face, and in the lovely visages of some of my friends, I can’t deny that there are open relationships out there that have worked for a long time. My friends Trevor and Vanessa,* for example, have been together for almost 20 years and have been open, in theory or in practice, for the majority of that time. But, like many couples in open relationships, they’ve encountered some difficult roadblocks along the way. Though Vanessa says she appreciates the lessons they learned from it and how these lessons helped them navigate other tricky forks in the road.
Vanessa is pregnant with a baby that’s due this winter and while the couple had decided earlier in life not to have kids, they recently re-negotiated on that agreement and changed their minds. Namely, Vanessa found that she actually wants a child and convinced Trevor to do it. And Vanessa says that learning, earlier in their relationship, to negotiate around poly-related issues where the two of them wanted different things, in a way, gave them the tools necessary to work through other such things. Continue reading →
From the Susanne Bartsch Halloween party. Photo by Citizen Chris.
Whoa, it’s been a whirlwind of a few weeks! Particularly the weeks and days leading up to, and following, Halloween. I feel like I’m still recovering from all the festivities. There was a week or two in there, where it was just an endless stream of: throw on costume+ fangs+ contact lenses, go to a party, stay out until 4-5-TK a.m., go home, sleep until the next afternoon, take shower, mosey around the house a bit, and then start getting ready for the next event and do it all over again.
This year, I went with my black cat suit and black PVC corset, plus fangs, white face paint, creepy red eyes and the works to attempt to look like Selene from the movie Underworld. It was an outfit I owned, and intended to wear, for Halloween last year, but then Hurricane Sandy blew into town and literally rained on my, and everyone else’s, parade. But I brought the outfit out so many times this year that it more than made up for its lack of appearance last year. Continue reading →
While transcribing several interviews with friends from the various alternative scenes, be it the BDSM world, or polyamory or what-have-you, I often come across the question of, “who knows about this in your daily life?” People like your parents, relatives, non-scene (I hate the term “vanilla”) friends, co-workers, etc. And I’m not asking it in any kind of moralistic way, like “OMG, do your parents know you do this crazy stuff??!?” I do this crazy stuff myself, of course, so I’m usually just curious to what extent other people are open about it and how they go about deciding who to tell or not tell or how to tell them. Continue reading →
I went to a sex party this past Friday, even though I wrote previously about no longer going to them and haven’t been back in exactly a year. Thing is: I’m not, and never was, morally opposed to them or anything. I also tend to never say never. It’s just that I feel they no longer serve a purpose in my life since most of the people on that scene are polyamorous and I’m no longer interested in pursuing that lifestyle, as it’s been well documented in my previous posts.
But many of my close friends are people from that scene and it was nice to see everyone in one place and re-connect. It was like cocktail/social hour amidst a bunch of scantily clad, sexy, naked bodies, a wax scene over here, someone getting fingered over there and what-have-you. Continue reading →
I didn’t originally intend for the blog to contain much party reviews or plans but if I come across some really good ones, I feel the need to share them here. I’ve actually been cutting down on parties more so this year, but October is shaping up to be quite an exciting month of events, so here are some tid bits from my calendar.
Tonight, I’m going to Bowieball, an annual event I’ve attended every year for the past four years that’s a tribute to David Bowie and a the most fabulous glam rock extravaganza of the year. It’s always a wonderful explosion of glitter, feathers, absurdity, androgyny and good old rock & roll. Here’s a pic of the debaucherous opulence from the party from a couple of years back: Continue reading →
I figured I’d get an avalanche of hate mail/commentary on my Let’s Talk About Polyamory post/rant, so I thought I’d dedicate a whole separate post to respond to critics (there will always be critics, of course, regardless of what you say, but I at least want to clarify some points). So in no particular order, here are my thoughts on some of the issues that were raised: Continue reading →