What it feels like for a girl

Madonna, music video, What it Feels Like for a GirlFriends, acquaintances and strangers keep reminding me, usually in a positive way, that it’s ballsy to be writing about sex and traveling alone as a woman. Because as an American woman (or at least one living in America), I’m generally not expected to have an opinion on sex, let alone be writing about it. And traveling… well, traveling is dangerous alone for a gal. But, for better or worse, I never felt uncomfortable about any of it. Continue reading

Some delicious inspiration

Oh, what a view! (photo by The Dirty Gentleman)

Oh, what a view! (photo by The Dirty Gentleman)

I’ve found myself to be hooked on the wonderful, eloquently filthy world of Quickies in New York lately. I’m such a sucker (no pun intended?) for some well-written erotica. And am surprised that I’ve only discovered it recently, seeing as it’s been rocking New York since 2009 and some of my friends are involved in the beautiful photography (by none other than the debonair Dirty Gentleman). But better late than never, as they say!

I’ve found many of Guy New York‘s posts to be quite enthralling and inspiring. If you aren’t reading him already, I suggest you do. It’s sure to get your heart (and other things) racing. You know, if you are into that sort of thing. Continue reading

Traditional Alternatives; Alternative Traditions

emerson quoteThere seems to have been an uptick in engagements, marriages and babies in many of the alternative scenes lately. All of which can generally be grouped under the “traditional things” banner, when alternative people, by definition, tend to avoid the traditional things.

I was talking about this with a friend recently, and he (having been married and had children before) said, “you know, I think people are starting to realize that these are good things and you can have it both ways.” You can still be alternative, whatever that means for you, and enjoy some traditional things. You can be into kink/go to fetish parties, be polyamorous, go to Burning Man, dress up in crazy costumes, have dreadlocks and tattoos, go to sex parties AND still get married and have kids. (Well, OK, you might want to lay off the drugs for a while when it comes to kids, but you get my drift). There is no shame in wanting any or all of these things, nor should there be. Continue reading

Travel Thoughts

flying, safety net, drawingWhen I travel, especially to other countries or far-away places, where the language and customs are different than my own (or ones I’m used to), I often think of an image of being clipped from a safety net. You think you’re going to fall, but instead you learn to fly.

Paulo Coelho, who is probably my favorite novelist at the moment, also once wrote the following on travel: Continue reading

Gratitude, in its many forms

I must say, I’m quite content with the holiday season this year. And by that, I mean everything from Thanksgiving up until now (and who knows what New Year’s night will bring yet). Or, as they call it in these parts of the world, Silvester. I’m traveling through Germany and the Czech Republic at the moment and having a grand old time. Nothing opens up my mind and heart quite like travel does, especially when it’s to beautiful places in Europe.

While what I’m doing right now isn’t your traditional opening-presents-with-family-under-the-Christmas-tree type of thing (which, admittedly, is not something my family has done in years), I couldn’t be happier. While I might miss my chosen tribe of great friends in New York, I’m quite enjoying spending quality time with new friends and friends of friends. I’m eternally grateful for my endless network of awesome people that seems to always be at my disposal and spans continents, apparently. Continue reading

My (own) guide to BDSM

byte_MG_8246I’ve had a few (old and new) friends ask me for advice recently about getting into (or more into) the BDSM world, so I thought I’d post some suggestions here for their benefit. And for anyone else that might have similar questions.

I did write a mini review of Bo Blaze’s book, 50 Shades of Curious, a few months ago and that’s already a good place to start. Bo is also an alternative life coach and teaches classes at The Eulenspiegel Society, which is the biggest BDSM support and education group that you can tap for classes, event listings and all kinds of resources. (Disclaimer: I’m not involved with TES and don’t claim to be an educator on the subject, but since I’ve been writing about kink and have been involved in the scene in NYC for some time, I thought I’d offer some guidance).

Personally, I’d encourage people to figure out what they want when it comes to kink. Sure, few of us know what (specific) activities we might like before trying them, but I’m sure most people already have some idea of whether they’re dominant, submissive or a switch and what their general proclivities might be when it comes to kink. But what I mean is: what are you trying to accomplish? Do you know? Are you doing it with/for someone else that’s interested in it? That’s totally fine. It’s how a lot of people wind up getting into BDSM. But if so, make sure you’re enjoying whatever it is the two (or however many) of you are doing together, not just trying to please someone else.  Continue reading

Sexy Nerds in Modern Love


Stormy Leather, Cylon, Burlesque, Wasabassco, Battlestar Galactica

Stormy Leather’s Cylon Suit (photo from Wasabassco Burlesque)

Christmas came early for some lucky people this year. Particularly those who went to Doc Wasabassco’s Starknaked X-mas Show on Dec. 12th and witnessed the merry matrimony of high technology and creative striptease shenanigans. The show was a tribute to my friend Joe, who, as something of a patron saint to the art of burlesque, has been building intricate high-tech props for burlesque dancers for years. The show included acts that put some of his inventions to good use, including Stormy Leather’s famed Battlestar Galactica act in a Cylon suit that Joe built for her a few years ago. I still hadn’t seen the act live until that night. (It was magnificent. I can die happy now, thank you. Meanwhile, here’s a vid.) As well as, Nasty Canasta’s Dr. Who get-up that sent sparks flying into the audience, literally. Trixie Little shimmied her way atop a giant banana, Stella Chuu gyrated her sexy curves in an el-wire-clad Tron suit, with an identity disk made by Joe, and there were many other sexy nerdy delights. Continue reading

This Dance, Again

naked womanAs soon as I walked into the apartment, I could tell there was someone else there. It wasn’t a smell or a sound or anything like that, I just knew. As I’ve come to know and expect most things from her.

I set my briefcase down in the kitchen, took off my coat, hung it on the back of a chair and poured myself a glass of water. But I could only stall for so long. Continue reading

Growing Pains (& Gains)

Trevor's Hipster Journal (by none other than Trevor himself).

Trevor’s Hipster Journal (by none other than Trevor himself).

Although I might complain about how my experiment with polyamory blew up in my face, and in the lovely visages of some of my friends, I can’t deny that there are open relationships out there that have worked for a long time. My friends Trevor and Vanessa,* for example, have been together for almost 20 years and have been open, in theory or in practice, for the majority of that time. But, like many couples in open relationships, they’ve encountered some difficult roadblocks along the way. Though Vanessa says she appreciates the lessons they learned from it and how these lessons helped them navigate other tricky forks in the road.

Vanessa is pregnant with a baby that’s due this winter and while the couple had decided earlier in life not to have kids, they recently re-negotiated on that agreement and changed their minds. Namely, Vanessa found that she actually wants a child and convinced Trevor to do it. And Vanessa says that learning, earlier in their relationship, to negotiate around poly-related issues where the two of them wanted different things, in a way, gave them the tools necessary to work through other such things. Continue reading

Summer Daze

summer lounging

Leisurely lounging with a lovely friend on a lazy summer afternoon. Oh how I miss those warm summer rays, as well as the owner of that lovely behind, who gets to enjoy them all year round as she’s currently living in Florida. It’s why her ass is so much more tanned than mine is, as you can see. (Photo by the unparalleled Infinite Eye).