We Never Change, Do We?

Taken from an old letter from R. This was nine years ago and I find that the same dynamics still apply. Certain life events just bring them to the fore more so than before. But I still don’t have the answer, do you?

You know, consciously hurting other people is unfortunately an essential component of any decent human being’s behavior. This anomaly, of which I’ve been talking about for a long time, is obvious. The question is: Can you change it? There is no doubt that it should not be accepted as unavoidable reality. But what to do? The constant inner struggle with guilt drives you mad. You naturally seek happiness, but your behavior suggests otherwise. Nothing makes sense anymore. Life loses its meaning. Religion provides rules, but they are controversial, and the set of priorities is lacking.  You want to change yourself, but it results in vomit. You want to change others, but why would “happy” people want to change. Somehow you start being magnetically attracted to people similar to yourself. They turn out to be just similar, and not the same as you. More and more often you catch yourself thinking, that, perhaps, you are the only person “alive” in this world. You end up thinking that you are actually the only dead person walking the streets…