While transcribing several interviews with friends from the various alternative scenes, be it the BDSM world, or polyamory or what-have-you, I often come across the question of, “who knows about this in your daily life?” People like your parents, relatives, non-scene (I hate the term “vanilla”) friends, co-workers, etc. And I’m not asking it in any kind of moralistic way, like “OMG, do your parents know you do this crazy stuff??!?” I do this crazy stuff myself, of course, so I’m usually just curious to what extent other people are open about it and how they go about deciding who to tell or not tell or how to tell them.
And the answer that comes up most in these conversations is: “I told such and such, but he/she did it first!” I had a hilarious conversation about this with a friend recently who outed himself about being kinky to a gay co-worker and kept insisting (to me) that, “He did it first! He did it first!” (By telling my friend that, although he had a partner, they like to play with other people, and invited my friend to a getaway with him and his beau). Guess some of us, who like to play at play parties, also like to play like big kids and point those fingers for fun.
I have such a story myself. I started taking my gay friend Kyle* to some of these parties a few years ago. Kyle was a co-worker at the time, and used to even report to me when I was an editor. But when I moved departments and was no longer his boss, we became friends and started sharing more personal stuff with each other. Eventually he was telling me all the stories of his hookups with men from Grindr (he did it first!!), when I knew he was married, and had been with his partner for the past 10 years. It turned out they were open. I invited Kyle to one of the play parties I used to go to. He took to it like glue and is now friends with all my friends and probably even more people on the scene than I am.
Sometimes people will ask me, “Hey, do you know Kyle?” And I’ll be like, “Yes, I brought him into the scene. I used to be his boss!” An amusing conversation usually ensues.
In light of this, we’ve joked for some time that we should reenact that by doing a D/s scene at one of these parties. We haven’t gotten there yet, but someday, it’d be fun. “Hey, Kyle, bend over. That’ll be 200 words. Erm… I mean lashes.”
*Name has been changed