A small housekeeping note

Dear reader,

I wanted to let you know that I migrated my web site to a different hosting platform with the help of my dear lover, C, who also happens to be an expert web designer. All the same WordPress tools seem to still be here, so I don’t think anything’s been lost in translation, but I am still feeling my way around this new landscape, adding/subtracting some things and working on making the site even more awesome. Please stand by while we re-jigger things around here. And let me know if you notice anything that’s missing.

For one thing, it seems I can no longer see my followers, but y’all are still here, right? Anything else, let me know. And thank you, again, for your dedicated attention spans, which are often hard to come by in the modern world of endless distractions.

xoxo,

~Anais

And the floodgates open’d…

(H waxing poetic in old English on the joys of getting laid):

and having tasted fruit of the loins of a woman, nay, not a dull shrew but a woman, a woman who drinketh with joy from the bodily cup and rejoiseth, having drunk the nectar from the cup, he found himself proclaiming and desirous of another such cup; for he was in exile, slavishly at labor, drinking wine with the old men in the marketplace; but now, having sipped from a different pitcher, and licked his lips obscenely, he grew yet more desirous to drink from more such cups, nay, not of the old men, but of the young and nubile and in possession of low hanging fruit, so that he may sate himself again, and i say, yet again; for he recalled the joys of the other gender, where the other gender seemed joyless and genderless, but he recalled things now, wilde things, forests wondrous and pubic, imperfect and pale, and all the more wondrous for it; and he found himself thirsting all the more.

Thank you for this, and every other piece of brilliance, my dear BFF! <3

We Never Change, Do We?

Taken from an old letter from R. This was nine years ago and I find that the same dynamics still apply. Certain life events just bring them to the fore more so than before. But I still don’t have the answer, do you?

You know, consciously hurting other people is unfortunately an essential component of any decent human being’s behavior. This anomaly, of which I’ve been talking about for a long time, is obvious. The question is: Can you change it? There is no doubt that it should not be accepted as unavoidable reality. But what to do? The constant inner struggle with guilt drives you mad. You naturally seek happiness, but your behavior suggests otherwise. Nothing makes sense anymore. Life loses its meaning. Religion provides rules, but they are controversial, and the set of priorities is lacking.  You want to change yourself, but it results in vomit. You want to change others, but why would “happy” people want to change. Somehow you start being magnetically attracted to people similar to yourself. They turn out to be just similar, and not the same as you. More and more often you catch yourself thinking, that, perhaps, you are the only person “alive” in this world. You end up thinking that you are actually the only dead person walking the streets…

A Note On (S)Exploitation

miley cyrusI went to a storytelling show a few weeks ago where a comedienne told a story about her working girl days in North Carolina. She was in college at the time and decided to try out sex work to make some extra cash. She was still getting an allowance from her parents, but she just wanted give this thing a go and said she had glamorized some of the famous French sex workers that she had read about. She didn’t find the work as glamorous as she had imagined it, but said it was still fun for the time being and an interesting learning experience. She did it for about a year and a half, at which point she was just in the mood for something else.

She says she still often gets flack from people when telling that story. They criticize her for doing sex work and point to all the trafficking that goes on. “So?” she tells them. “There is exploitation in every industry.” I may have never thought of that before, but what a good point! I have other sex worker friends, who are perfectly fine with what they do and seem to have a lot of fun with it, actually. But for every given industry, there is a spectrum of people that do it by choice and enjoy it, people that just put up with it and those that get exploited. Continue reading

Big Kids “R” Us

While transcribing several interviews with friends from the various alternative scenes, be it the BDSM world, or polyamory or what-have-you, I often come across the question of, “who knows about this in your daily life?” People like your parents, relatives, non-scene (I hate the term “vanilla”) friends, co-workers, etc. And I’m not asking it in any kind of moralistic way, like “OMG, do your parents know you do this crazy stuff??!?” I do this crazy stuff myself, of course, so I’m usually just curious to what extent other people are open about it and how they go about deciding who to tell or not tell or how to tell them. Continue reading

Oops, I Did It Again

I went to a sex party this past Friday, even though I wrote previously about no longer going to them and haven’t been back in exactly a year. Thing is: I’m not, and never was, morally opposed to them or anything. I also tend to never say never. It’s just that I feel they no longer serve a purpose in my life since most of the people on that scene are polyamorous and I’m no longer interested in pursuing that lifestyle, as it’s been well documented in my previous posts.

But many of my close friends are people from that scene and it was nice to see everyone in one place and re-connect. It was like cocktail/social hour amidst a bunch of scantily clad, sexy, naked bodies, a wax scene over here, someone getting fingered over there and what-have-you. Continue reading

Years, Yardsticks, Yins & Yangs

yin and yangAnother one of the criticisms on my poly rant post, I believe, was something about how “you’re always going to get upset if you judge the success of a relationship by its longevity or potential to be a life-long one.” I feel like a lot of people still judge relationships and whether they are “working or not” on their ability to last forever. And the truth of the matter is that very few do these days.

My friend Sara, who is monogamous and broke up with her boyfriend of three years some time ago, once alluded to this and said that just because she and her boyfriend broke up, it doesn’t mean that it was a “failed” or “bad” relationship. “Three years is a pretty good run, after all. That’s a pretty successful relationship,” she said. And I’d tend to agree. A relationship may have worked very well for a number of years and then maybe one or both of you changed or grew in another direction or needed/wanted different things in life or whatever the case may be. And just because you broke up, doesn’t mean  the relationship was a failure. Continue reading

Party Girl

I didn’t originally intend for the blog to contain much party reviews or plans but if I come across some really good ones, I feel the need to share them here. I’ve actually been cutting down on parties more so this year, but October is shaping up to be quite an exciting month of events, so here are some tid bits from my calendar.

Tonight, I’m going to Bowieball, an annual event I’ve attended every year for the past four years that’s a tribute to David Bowie and a the most fabulous glam rock extravaganza of the year. It’s always a wonderful explosion of glitter, feathers, absurdity, androgyny and good old rock & roll. Here’s a pic of the debaucherous opulence from the party from a couple of years back: Continue reading

Responding to Critics on Poly Post…

emerson quoteI figured I’d get an avalanche of hate mail/commentary on my Let’s Talk About Polyamory post/rant, so I thought I’d dedicate a whole separate post to respond to critics (there will always be critics, of course, regardless of what you say, but I at least want to clarify some points). So in no particular order, here are my thoughts on some of the issues that were raised: Continue reading

Letters from C

I’ll admit I’m a sucker for people who can write really well, especially if they can write sexy well. Erotica is hard to write without coming off cheesy and there are few people who’ve managed to master it. One of my lovers, C, used to send me some of the most deliciously dirty letters, so I thought I’d re-post them here on a recurring basis (with his permission, of course). He had left the country for several months after the first time we enjoyed a wonderful tryst together, so I suspect he kept sending me these letters while he was gone to retain my interest during that time (he succeeded, of course). These days we see each other often enough where actual play-time has perhaps replaced the need for inspiring letters of this sort (that admittedly make me squirm). But I always love a good sexy letter… ahem.

Without further ado, here’s exhibit A:

I daydream about having you as my captive. Your wrists chained together over your head, perhaps so high that you need to stand on your tippy toes. Oh, and a blindfold. Definitely a blindfold. So you can hear my slow and steady pace as I stroll around you, admiring your lovely exposed body from all angles while you stretch and strain. You have no way to anticipate when I’ll touch you, or where, or how. Lightly, at first, so that your flesh feels teased, and yearns for more. But little by little, my kisses and caresses turn more fierce and ferocious.

And you can feel my hunger growing, too: my breath getting deeper, my stiff throbbing against you. My admiration for the sounds that I squeeze out of you. And slap out of you. And shake out of you.

By the time I let your wrists down, your legs are wobbling and useless.  You collapse right where I want you.  You feel my boot prod you and turn you to admire you from different angles.  I toy with you, my prey, and make you feel it.  

 It’s times like these that I’m prone to growl.

 Times when I’m about to pounce.